Where do I begin? In 2023, I was diagnosed with significant hearing loss in my left ear. I have been wearing hearing aids since then, but recently I’ve struggled with understanding what people are saying, or even realizing that they are speaking to me. I contacted my doctor and was referred to an ENT for testing. My hearing test in April showed that I am now completely deaf in my left ear. I have single sided deafness or a “dead ear.” The next step was an MRI so they could determine what had changed and caused this dramatic and sudden hearing loss. I followed up with the ENT to get the results and then determine what my next plan of action would be. That appointment was this past Thursday and it was disastrous! The doctor completely ignored my concerns, and since his schedule was already running behind, steamrolled through my appointment. I left feeling angry and uncertain. What now? As I was driving home from work that evening, the Spirit of God spoke to my heart. God had not been surprised by the lack of care or answers that I had received that afternoon. He already knew the outcome. I might be struggling with anger, frustration, fear, but He is good. As I walk through this new health crisis, I know that He is with me and He is good.

The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.
Nahum 1:7

I have so many thoughts going through my head as I walk this path. If the doctors can’t find a reason for my single sided deafness, what happens if it happens again? What if I lose the hearing in my right ear? And most importantly, if this is God’s will for me, am I willing to accept it? We all look up to those Christian saints that we see on TV and in books. Joni Eareckson Tada is a giant among Christian women. Yet, she didn’t achieve her fame because her life was easy. Her ministry has touch millions of lives. Her life and her ministry was forged in the fire of struggle, pain, perseverance, and faith. I will admit that I have often coveted the attention these leaders receive. But am I willing to walk the walk that that type of impact requires?

Thursday afternoon, I reached out to a friend who co-owns a surgical center in the Indianapolis area. He has referred me to a specialist for a second opinion. I am now “patiently” waiting for them to get me added to his schedule. And as I wait, I continue to remind myself that God is good!

God is gracious and merciful. He continually shows favor, forgiveness, and compassion, despite our many and constant shortcomings.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon, and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?
Psalm 8:3-4

God is just and righteous. He is the ultimate judge who upholds fairness, truth, and moral order.

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love towards those who fear him…
Psalm 103:8-11

God is faithful. He keeps his promises and is a reliable and trustworthy guide in all circumstances.

He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright, and just is he.
Deuteronomy 32:4

I want to say that the conversation with my friend, who was able to get me the referral was a complete God moment. I haven’t spoken to him in months. But the day before my appointment, he called me to talk about a different situation. As I was ending the call, I asked him to pray for my ear and my upcoming appointment. That simple request, has now aligned me with a specialist who is ranked one of the best in the state of Indiana. God was walking before me, working out the details that I would need. In all of this, He has been with me. As my mind wrestles with all the questions, fear has not overtaken me. I continue to lean into Him. He is my Rock. His ways are perfect. His timing is trustworthy. He sees me. He hears me. And if His will takes me to a place of silence, He will be there, upholding and consoling me. He will not abandon me. He is faithful and He is good. -Amen