Good morning, friends! It’s been 5 months since I’ve written. I’ve been in a season of doubt lately, questioning if I should write, and why I write. I’ve been praying the Lord would show me His will. Have I been writing for myself, or am I writing for Him? During this time of uncertainty, I have been studying. I’ve written about my dad before, and how I have wrestled with the legacy of his life choices. It’s a multigenerational curse, starting with my grandmother giving my dad up for adoption, moving through the abuse my dad suffered as a child, and landing on how he lived his adult life. My dad was the smartest yet also the most oblivious person I’ve ever known. Yet, in the weeks before his death he wrote me a letter. “I hope you will find much joy in this life, and that God will reveal His Son to you in even a far greater way that I have known Him.” I have been clinging to those words, playing them over and over in my head, using them as a catalyst to grow my own relationship with God even more.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

As a child and young adult I interpreted that verse differently than I do now. As I am knocking on the door of 60 years old, I see these words of Christ as they were intended. They are not a call to seek God, and in such, God would provide financial blessings and everything I’ve ever wanted. No! The prosperity gospel is a false gospel! Christ is saying, set the world aside. Set aside your pain, your desires, your insecurities. Set aside your worldly compulsions, your personal views, and natural inclinations. Set everything aside and seek Him first. Seek His righteousness and then God will change you from the inside. His Spirit will fill you, and the anxiousness you once felt will be gone. You will no longer hunger for the things of this world. Through Him, you will only hunger for more of Christ.

You’ve heard people talk about their “word of the year.” I have had several over the years. This year, I feel like God has given me the word “submit.” I need to submit to Him. I need to give him my anxiety, my frustration, my rage, my dreams, and my family. My dad had such a great theological mind, understanding difficult and complex ideas. Yet, he never fully submitted his heart to Christ. His knowledge of God was academic and I will never obtain that level. Yet, I feel that I have a greater understanding of Christ than he did. I feel in many ways God has answered his prayer. I have had a very joyous life; nearly 40 years of marriage to a wonderful man. We raised two beautiful children and have been blessed with three grandsons. I have a wonderful home church, full of bible believing Christians. We have walked through life together, having babies, raising kids, and now loving our grandchildren. God is faithful!

Seek first His kingdom. Seek first His face! Seek first His heart!  Study, pray, attend a bible believing church, where other believers challenge you. Give your hopes and dreams to Him. In knowing His true nature and beauty, you will find everything that you seek.

You should never go to God because he’s useful. Go because he’s beautiful. And yet there’s nothing more useful than finding God beautiful.

Tim Keller