A few years ago I was diagnosed with heart failure, stage 3 to be exact. Only in my mid 50’s and without any signs of what could have caused this, it came as quite a shock. I have followed the doctor’s orders, limiting alcohol and salt. I have been making a real effort to change my eating, but recently, my breathing has become more labored and I find myself out of breath often. My doctor ordered some more tests and as I sit at my laptop writing this blog, I am still waiting for an answer.

I think my biggest struggle is the unknown. I don’t like surprises. I want to know what is coming, when it is coming, and how it is going to work out. As a believer in Christ, we should dream of Heaven, but until only recently, I was afraid. Most of my adult life, I have been in a battle to control everything around me. But, heart failure…that is completely out of my control! The last three years I have felt God teaching me, reminding me, that no matter what today throws at me, or what tomorrow may bring, He is the only one who is truly in control! Opening my hands to Him, letting go of all the fears, anxiety and “what if’s” … that is a daily battle. I find myself laying my heavy burden at the foot of the cross, but as I turn to walk away, I will pick it back up.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned over the past year, is who God is, His character, His heart. I no longer feel the compulsion to perform, to earn His love. I don’t feel like I am on a hamster wheel anymore…trying to keep up…. trying to make sure I don’t mess up…trying to earn my way. Jesus said in the book of Matthew, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 1 John 5:3, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.”

Life is hard! We live in a broken world, a world torn and corrupted by sin. Our hearts are broken! They are not as God intended, at the creation, when Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden. But, through Christ, we have been restored to our former relationship with God the Father. His work on the cross, His work—not anything we can do—has healed our relationship with the Father. When we take upon His yoke, he does the work. We just need to give Him control.

“In ancient times, a yoke was placed on the neck of two animals working together in a field. Taking Jesus’ yoke is coming into union with Him. This opens up a life of discipleship where the willing learn from Christ and are guided by His humble and gentle self. The humility of Christ is unlike the self-righteousness of the religious leaders.”

The past week, I felt the burden of anxiety and worry. It has been a battle, sometimes, moment to moment, just to keep from spiraling into the fear of the unknown. I can’t tell you why bad things happen. I can tell you that no matter what may come your way, that unforeseen diagnosis, the test results that you are desperately waiting on…God is already there and He is with you. You matter to Him! He wants you to stop struggling. He wants you to jump off the hamster wheel, stop striving to carry this heaviness all by yourself, and leave that burden at the cross!

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26