I lost my uncle Bob this morning and I’ve been thinking of all the years since he came into my life. My uncle Bob was an extremely eccentric individual, but for me, he was Uncle Bob and I loved him. He just lived his life surrounded by walls of rules he had created; rules that in his mind, kept his life running on time and in order.

At the end of a visit around Christmas, when we were getting ready to leave, our 14-year-old son, went to hug his great uncle. Uncle Bob stopped him and said, “Men, shake hands”, to which Kameran replied, “Relatives Hug”, as he enclosed Bob in his arms. We all laughed and today as I remember that sweet memory, I smile. I am sad, however, that a man who had so much, lived his entire life inside of box of isolation and self-authored regulations.

Life certainly is fleeting. We are but a mist, here one moment and gone another. But what is life? What is our true purpose for being here?  I have lived most of my life driven by some unexplainable need to make the most of my time. Leave a mark! Make a difference! Now, as I am older, a part of me questions that. Who am I making a difference for? Whose mark am I leaving?

I’m currently listening to Francis Chan’s book, Crazy Love, and something he said really caught my attention. “Whatever God’s reason for such diversity, creativity, and sophistication in the universe, on earth, and in our own bodies, the point of it all is His glory. God’s art speaks of Himself, reflecting who He is and what He is like.” So my life, everything I am working and sacrificing for…all my goals, my dreams, my family, my job…it’s all for His glory! Subconsciously, I may have known that already, but to hear it in my wireless ear buds, was quite different! And for a girl who has fought to control her life, her comfort, and her security, that is quite a soundbite!

I may not be as obstinate as my dear Uncle Bob, but my control is yet the same. As I said in my last blog post, my goal for 2022 is “humble dependence”. I truly want to relinquish the reins I hold with a death grip in my hands to Him, and humbly trust in the God I cannot see nor understand. What makes me think I have the ability, knowledge, or power, to control any aspect of my life? Such arrogance is certainly sin!

As I dive into a study of dependence and I fight my own willfulness to hand over the reins of my life to the God I profess to follow and trust, I pray for His strength. It will take His Spirit working inside me to loosen the grip on all that I hold so dear. I do not know where the road will take me, but I know who is leading the way.  But when my time has come, more than all the riches that this world has to offer, I long to hear these sweet words, from the one I strive to glorify, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” (Matthew 25:21)